the blahs

Life has been MEH lately. My days are too long and I'm pushing myself to hard and I have no energy. Most days start at 4am with me getting up for work, working until 2pm and then classes from 3pm until 8pm. I then come home and crash in front of the TV for an hour and then its bedtime. That kind of pace is soul crushing, and that's what it will be like until I graduate in May.

Not to mention I haven't been inspired much by shopping lately. Other than my urge to procure a black bag and boots this fall (failing to do so) and the need for a new winter coat my shopping is non-existent. Literally September bank statement reads almost entirely of food (lots of stops to Lettuce for frozen yogurt and the bakery down the street for baguettes) and it shows. I've gained weight, not in the OMG ballooning way but a bit. My cardigans now tug when done up. It's disheartening and I know it's because I'm entirely inactive most days and I eat out way too much. But with above schedule how am I to fix this?

This is a low point in my life, I haven't felt this depressed since high school when my dad was sick and dying. I'm scared about whats going to happen next year in the real world once I leave the school bubble. I have no plans, no aspirations. I have literally no idea what I want to do with my life.

It's not all bad, one of my high school friends recently moved to the city and we've been hanging out more which is nice. I've missed having close friends since I moved here. All my relationships have been very superficial so far, so it's nice to get that closeness back.

I'm going to strive for some balance in my life. I think a 50/40/10 is not good enough if I don't want to burn out (50 School, 40 Work, 10 Me time) I'm going to aim for 40/40/20 for now possibly 40/30/30 in the future. I don't want to cut back too much on school work, but I am going to organise my time better and not worry about it on my days off unless totally necessary. Hopefully I can re-find myself in the process, because I miss me.

1 comment:

  1. I've been there, throughout the past year and a half of graduate school. I know what you're going through, and I know organizing my time and self and all of that helped me immensely pull out of that hole of feeling depressed and overwhelmed. I think it just takes time (although being the total anal freak I am, organizing my time and life really helped me and while I'm freaked that this is my last semester of grad school and I'm totally terrified I won't find a job, I'm a little more focused and just take it a day at a time).

    Just know you're not alone in what you're feeling *hugs*